Forget Jerry Seinfeld, Microsoft Needs to Hire us to Promote Windows Vista

Posted on Friday, August 29th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Filed under: Detailed Analysis, General Talk, Nerd Talk
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Dear Microsoft,

Big D and I heard that you will be paying Jerry Seinfeld $10 million dollars to help promote your Windows Vista operating system. Well, we were quite disappointed that you did not come and see us instead. Why would you chose a washed-out comedian from the nineties when you could get two winners who know that everybody sucks but them. ( And Windows Vista, of course… Everybody Sucks but us and Windows Vista, if you pay us.) Below is a detailed analysis of why you should hire Big D and Big M for your Windows Vista campaign

Reason #1 – Money:
Jerry Seinfeld wants $10 million dollars. Big D and I are only asking for $1 million dollars. That’s right, we are only going to cost you a tenth of what Jerry Seinfeld would cost. And there are no hidden fees. We will not ask you for money to shoot a commercial or money for whatever legal troubles we might get into. All that is part of our standard $1 million dollar fee. So instead of paying $10 million for one washed-out comedian in his fifties, you get two hip and cool up-and-coming bloggers for only $1 million dollars. And trust me, for $1 million dollars, we can do a lot of blogging about how awesome Windows Vista is!

Reason #2 – Morals:
Jerry Seinfeld seems to be a pretty moral man with very high standards. Big D and I have no morals. We have no problem selling out or playing dirty. And trust me, you need to play dirty to win against those Mac guys. Have you seen their commercials? They have the whole world believing that Mac users are cool and PC users are old, fat, balding guys who whine all the time. If we were hired, our first ad campaign would be simple. We already have a slogan: “Mac Users are Douchebags“. Kinda catchy, no? This is the type of stuff Jerry Seinfeld cannot do because he is too clean. And if you are wondering about our sedond ad, it would feature hot girls in bikinis holding signs like “Think? Why think! We have Windows Vista to do that for us.” and “Not running Windows Vista? That Megahurtz!“.

Reason #3 – Webistes:
We already have a website. Jerry Seinfeld is afraid of the Internet. In fact, we can redesign our entire website to promote Windows Vista. And once again, we could put up your new Windows logo: “Mac Users are Douchebags”. It rolls right off your tongue.

Reason #4 – We’ve already done a PC ad for free.
That’s right. We did this ad way before knowing that you were looking for someone to promote Windows Vista. Here is the poster we used:

You can check out the full post here.

So Bill, or whoever is running Microsoft, save $9 million by hiring us. You won’t regret it. And we will continue to promote the wonderful message of WIndows Vista: “Mac Users are Douchebags.

Sincerely, Big D & Big M

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